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Title:  Catherine and the Pirate (The Reformed Criminal Remix)
Genre:  Historical romance.
Rating:  PG-13
Summary:  A rewrite of the book, Catherine and the Pirate.  Actual plot summary as follows:

Catherine Markham is a seventeen-year-old heiress/socialite in Revolution-era Boston, whose older brother gets kidnapped and held for ransom.  In an effort to rescue him, Catherine seeks out Derrick St. John, otherwise known as her brother's BFF, the captain of a merchant ship, and a former pirate.

Derrick already has his own share of troubles, what with running blockades, trying to atone for the mistakes of his ill-spent youth, and then there's this thing where his now-dead dad was wrongfully branded a traitor a few years back.  The last thing he needs is a side-quest down to Norfolk, in the middle of a war, with a haughty, headstrong young lady.

But said young lady's brother is his bro, so what's a guy to do?  Certainly not say no.  And most definitely not fall in love.


So!  Back in 2004 or 2005 (can't remember exactly when), I read this book.  And was distinctly underwhelmed by it.  Despite remembering it as nothing exceptional, I was inspired in early 2014 to hunt down a copy of it so I could give it a reread.  It was, if you can believe it, even more underwhelming the second time around.  But as I had long-since been a writer of fanfiction by this point, I could see the potential the story had, and so was inspired to give it a rewrite.  And so, here we are.  Basically, the story that follows is the book I wanted to read.

I'm calling it a "remix" because that seems to be the most accurate way to describe it:  The plot is the same, some of the very sentences are the same, but admittedly a lot of things are different.  I've switched out the bass line and added in some sweet piano riffs and chopped up the verses, but the vocals and the beat are still clearly recognizable.  Or something.  (Work with me here.)

Originally, I told myself I wasn't going to post any chapters until I was done with the entire book, but the truth is I'm too excited and want to share, and also, the time I have to write is so sporadic these days, it's hard to say whether I'll truly get around to rewriting the entire thing from start to finish, so if I have the first couple chapters ready right now, then why not post them?  I mean, I wasn't planning on resolving the romantic subplot until a wholly original (and wholly hypothetical) sequel anyway, so if an unfinished story was always a possibility, why not just come right out with it?  (Which is to say, I AM BAD AT FINISHING MULTICHAPTER STORIES, SO IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE BEING LEFT IN THE LURCH YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET OUT NOW, WHILE YOU STILL CAN.)

And about that romantic subplot—let me just say upfront, for any of you who might actually be familiar with the book, that that is/will be the one major divergence from the original story.  I admittedly have a lot of issues with the original book (as anyone who has seen my tumblr posts or run across my chapter-by-chapter review can tell you), but one of my main issues is how quickly and neatly the romance gets wrapped up.  All criticisms aside, though, the original book obviously did serve as inspiration, and without it, this remix obviously never would have come into existence, so I have to give credit where credit is due, and encourage you to hunt down a copy, if only for comparison purposes.  (One of these days, I hope to have a PDF version I could offer to those who can't find a hard-copy, but that day is not today, unfortunately.)

Anyway, as is always the case with fanfiction-type things, I make no money off this reinterpretation, and if Karen Hawkins and/or a representative of hers would like me to take this story down, I will be more than happy to oblige.  Don't sue me, bro!

Here's hoping you enjoy it.  ^^

Chapter 1:  In which Catherine fucks the Patriarchy.
Chapter 2: 
In which Derrick does not, in fact, get to visit his mother.
Chapter 3:
  In which Derrick does not care about the finer points of women's fashion.
Chapter 4:
  In which there is tension, and some of it even sexual.
Chapter 5:
  In which Uncle Elliot is pissed.
Chapter 6:
  In which Catherine has a vagina, and all hell breaks loose.
Chapter 7:
  In which Derrick tries to not be an asshole, but is still a little bit of an asshole all the same.
Chapter 8:
 In which "Surprise! Buttsex!" is not quite the name of the game, but close enough.
Chapter 9:
 In which Catherine is a badass needlecrafting bitch.
Chapter 10:
 In which Derrick reminds us he used to be a ruthless motherfucker.
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17

All other fics can be found here.


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June 2017

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